Here, I Linger

        The soundtrack of my days is basically this … as I’m sure it is for most mamas … the constant questions.  The complex, creative stories … some imaginary, some the low-down of what just happened between brothers.  The thump thump thump of a ball dribbled on the floor and then bounced off the wall.  Bickering.  Loads of laughter and pounding feet as they jump and run (er, walk quickly) through the house.  More questions, more stories and facts shared.   More bickering.  Loud.  Noise.  Talking.  Laughing.  Singing.  Crying.  Goofy voices, telling goofier stories about dogs, cats, goats, the baby.  Doors shutting, more questions.

        The noise is constant.  It is to be expected with 4 boys, home all day!  To my sensitive ears the volume has only 2 levels … loud and louder.  This is the soundtrack of childhood and motherhood.  I’ve been told enough times to enjoy this noise while I have it because the silence after the children fly the coop is even louder.  So I do… I really do cherish the energy and the life that pulses through my home.

        As a highly sensitive person, however, I occasionally need a break from it.  So my senses can deflate.  Yes, so that I can simply escape.  So I can maybe just think about one thing at a time for a moment… rather than think about starting dinner, whether Neptune or Uranus is further away, where someone’s hat and water bottle are, and why Connor is crying… ask at the same time.  That break from the noise does occasionally come when they retreat outside, for a bit when they play the Wii, and of course, when they drift off to sleep at night.

        But nothing compares to the amazing “muffling the noise” power of holding this sleeping babe.  In the other room I can hear the soundtrack of liveliness thumping away but gradually it fades and all I can hear is the white noise machine, his tiny breaths, and my heartbeat thumping rhythmically against his.

        I linger here.  I don’t linger with much else… Throughout the day I spur myself on, flowing from one task, activity, need, responsibility, moment to the next.  Not without enjoying it all or taking the time to necessarily and intentionally pause  …  but just with the knowledge that to fit it all in, time is to be used well. And must of the time “well” means efficiently.

        Except, when holding this precious little dude.  Holding him, cuddling him, breathing in the warmth that is unique to baby’s skin.  Lingering here is using my time well I find.  It recharges me.  It centers me.  It brings blessings into focus and throws chaos out the window.  It helps me breathe in deeper and face the noise, joyful and otherwise, with more grace.

        It is amazing how a few moments of lingering in the silence with this baby can make keeping up with the pace and needs of our day much more possible.  It is like a quiet lullaby overtaking the beat of hard rock blaring in surround sound… and at the same time producing an appreciation and patience in me for its wild, energizing cadence.  For this I’m grateful and here, I will keep lingering!

        Have a fantastic weekend and thank you for being here!

         

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