Suffering from Pride {and Injury}

Boy oh boy was I in a world of hurt yesterday.

Let me back up to the day it started.  Wednesday.  No, actually it was Saturday.  Kaden and I were home alone because Matt and the older two were on a scouting trip.  That was the day that we went for a bike ride/run together and I ran 2.3 miles.  Whoowho.  That evening?  He wanted to go for a bike ride on our regular road route so I figured, “Why not run again?” No good reason, I figured, not to, so I did.

That night, I sat on my hiney, on the floor for 4 hours, bent slightly forward putting photos into my albums.  Feeling accomplished, and teeny bit achy, I went to bed.  The next morning?  Not so teeny bit achy, but a little bit more achy in that same ‘ol spot that has been a bother for years.  Not my lower back, but behind my pelvic bone.   It wasn’t awful though.

Monday?  No better, but with it still being just me and Kaden and with the need to go to town anyway for groceries, I suggested to him that we do the bike/run again since I didn’t know when we’d get to do it again.  He, at 5-years-old, told me we’d better not because my back hurt.  I told him, “I bet it will actually help my back.”  Hah!  So, again we ran, this time 2.5 miles.  Improvement, finally.  In my distance of running, not in my back.  😉

Tuesday, my achy breaky very lower back.

On Wednesday, I had a rare chunk of time in the middle of the day all to myself and what do I decide to do?  Run.  Run the hills behind our house.  The route I’ve done with Matt before, but never on my own.  When I’d dropped the boys off at my friend’s, Gage suggested I go to town to get a massage for my back.  Nah, I think it would be better to just tough it out.  Pride is an ugly, painful sin.

I geared up and convinced myself I could do the loop twice, which would log in at 3.0 miles.  I could go at my own pace, walk if needed … it would be fine.  About half way into the second loop, staring up a long (to me) gravel hill I was feeling thankful that I had my phone in case I collapsed and needed medical assistance.   About 5 minutes later I was thankful for some shade and thankful that I had Charlie with me in case a cougar jumped out of the trees creating that shade.  30 seconds after that, I was thankful again that I had my phone, because I saw opportunity for a selfie.  

Whoop, I missed myself on that one, but the shot is way better than a selfie.

But, here I am again. 

Do you like how Charlie is watching me?  He was aghast that we were doing a second lap.

But, moving on!  I kept running, and thought surely this was the worst idea ever.

I finished, and contemplated running a 3rd loop.  I’m convinced more than ever that a) running is addicting and b) runners are insane.

Fast forward, to midnight when I couldn’t roll over in bed because of the shooting pain up from my right pelvis.  Took me back to the nights when I was pregnant and had to grip onto Matt so he could help me roll over.  But this wasn’t a baby immobilizing me, it was my own stupidity.

Yesterday morning when I got up, I had the worst pain filling my backside than I’ve ever had.  I couldn’t stand up straight, but couldn’t bend forward at all.  I couldn’t sit, couldn’t lay flat.  So, I laid back on my exercise ball, thinking it would help extract the knife that was lodged in my pelvis.  I leaned back, but with absolutely no core assistance, I … wait for it …. fell backwards, off the ball.  I got stuck, upside down, legs in the air, barely kicking my coffee and my camera off of my computer desk, in between the ‘stable ball’ and my little bookshelf.  I laid there for a few seconds, trying to figure out if maybe I actually fixed my back problem by bending in totally the wrong way, before pushing myself over and landing on the floor.  I lay there, yep, still in pain, and wasn’t sure if I should laugh or cry.  So I laughed, until I sat up, then I cried because I remembered that I couldn’t sit on the ground.

I could sit on the exercise ball though, so I stationed myself at the computer and did what any 21st century American does, I went to Dr. Google and typed in ‘pain behind my pelvic bone’ and suddenly in my face was a skeleton with my problem area pulsating in red.  The sacroiliac joint.  No wonder this pain never felt like it was in my back or in my muscles and often shot down through my rear and into my thigh, but never felt isolated to my spine.  It is in the joint that sits just to the left and right of the spine and why, gee … I’ve had this pain off and on since having my first baby.

Two hours later, the boys and I sat at the school table (me on my exercise ball with a big ol ice pack on my back) and honestly?  I was bitter.  I was feeling weak and sad and deflated.  Broken.  I felt like all the working out and taking up running and good examples for living an active, “physically fit” life I was setting for my boys over the past however long, was wasted.  Here I was, just trying to be healthy and strong and now, I can’t walk upright or bend over or sit without wincing.

Yep, I was very ‘woe is me.’  Pride is a devastating sin.

The first stop in our homeschooling day is always our Bible study.  I gave Gage the verse to find and his precious little voice pulled me out of my self-pity as he read God’s word: “Finally, let the Lord make you strong.  Depend on His mighty power.”  (Ephesians 6:10-11)

Then Cooper:  “Always be joyful because you belong to the Lord.  I will say it again.  Be joyful.   Let everyone everyone know how gentle you are.  The Lord is coming soon.”  (Philippians 4:4)

They felt the power of the scripture and saw on my face how much I needed it.  I told them, “This is God’s truth.  Our only true strength is from the Lord.  We can try to be strong, we can try to take care of ourselves and be good and make the right health choices and behavior choices, but it is only His power that brings us through and makes us anything.  And that is the true source of our joy.  We’re nothing without him, but that’s okay because we ALWAYS have Him.”

To that they reminded me of how this same truth was what the woman with cancer was talking about on the radio yesterday.  *sigh*   Thank you for humbling me, Jesus!

We all agreed, that we know our bodies will fail us, we will face hardships, we will experience let down and defeat, but there is always joy because we belong to the Lord.

I’d love to say that with that lesson He gave us, my SI Joint was miraculously and immediately healed and my attitude became entirely optimistic.   Not quite, but with a lot of Grace and quite a bit of icing the pain has lessened and my attitude has definitely shifted toward a wiser approach to running.  Even accepting that perhaps it’s just not worth it.   I still can’t really bend over to touch my toes, but I don’t have to generally do that during the day, so I’m good.  Well, I’m okay … I’m getting better.  I think.

I’m functioning and I’m joyful… not because I’m strong but because He is strong and He’s got me.

Thanks for reading (if you got this far! ;))! 

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  • Mom - Oh, sweetgirl. Tears were welling up in my eyes … they were both tears of laughter and tears of pain for you…my over-achieving daughter. Yes, God is very good and gave just the right words for the boys to read. Perhaps Gage was right in suggesting a nice massage 🙂 and, for sure, a little less running.
    XO to you!
    XOXOXO to GCK from GrammieReplyCancel

  • Brea - Hi, Lacey, I’m so sorry you’re having this pain. I’ve had something similar, though mine is more annoying and intermittent than consistently painful. From what I understand, physical therapy is what’s needed (though I’m yet to do it, probably because it only bothers me sometimes). I think it’s a really common problem after childbirth. My PT friend told me that certain therapists can manually put the SI joint back in proper position, and then the proper exercises can strengthen the muscles around it that may be out of whack. Praying you can get healing and relief!ReplyCancel

    • Lacey - Hi Brea! Thank you for your compassion and your thoughts on the option of going to a PT! Mine, too, has only bothered me slightly, until this time! It does just make me wonder if something has been just a bit off around that area since being pregnant and I’m thinking it is about time (10 years later!) to get it looked at. 😉ReplyCancel

  • Carol - Oh Lacey I am so sorry you are hurting! One of the first things a runner should learn is NOT to run when you are hurting. (Ask me how I know!). Being the mother and sister of chiropractors ( and my daughter is an avid runner) I suggest keeping icing and go see a good Chiro, Don’t give up running but don’t start again until you are pain free. Then, and only then ease back slowly!ReplyCancel

    • Lacey - Hi Carol! Thank you for your comment and for your guidance toward seeing a chiropractor! I admit, the thought of going to one has always made me anxious. Even though Matt saw one recently and suggested I go. 😉 I’m going to check with my Primary Care doctor and see what she thinks. 🙂 I’m definitely staying away from running until this is all gone though… as hard as that is!ReplyCancel

  • Debbie - Hi Lacey! I’m so sorry to hear about your SI joint pain – no fun at all! As a PT I work with patients with similar scenarios quite often. I’m biased but I would definitely recommend checking out a local physical therapy clinic (if possible one that specializes in manual therapy) as improving alignment, proper stretching, and strengthening exercises can be so helpful and take care of a lot of those chronic annoying SI joint problems. Let me know if you have questions! Hope you feel better soon with some rest!ReplyCancel

    • Lacey - Hi Debbie! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and advice on this … I truly appreciate it! I have an appointment with my primary care dr this week so I will definitely be asking her if she has any recommendations for a PT in my area. I always get nervous when looking for a new dr, though, if I do not have a solid recommendation from someone who has gone to them or worked with them. So hopefully she has one she trusts that she can hand me over to! 🙂ReplyCancel

  • Tara - Pride in the physical activity realm can sneak up so easily and subtly! I am a past varsity runner, and after leaving the competitive world it took a long time to get used to running for me, for health and for fun, and get over my pride associated with it. 3 things have helped me immensely: I never time myself, but just focus on how I’m feeling and push myself (or not) based on that, second, I view my physical activity as a form of worship, something God has created me to do and so I try to focus on praising Him and being with Him as I run, and lastly, I use a concept of an “audience of One”, picturing the only audience as Him. Maybe one of those concepts will add to your running experience! I’ve been encouraged by your blog, and love reading stories of your family! Also always enjoy your beautiful photos 🙂ReplyCancel

    • Lacey - Hi Tara! Thank you so much for sharing your experience and your thoughts on what has helped you in this area. I’ve pretty much been totally humbled by this experience as I am totally unable to run and even the THOUGHT of it brings more pain. 🙁 But still, I do keep hearing your words of an “audience of One” in my mind and am trying to focus on that even in relation to how I suffer. <3 We can even honor Him in how we deal with our pain and weakest moments and I'm pondering that a lot right now. I do look forward to the day when I can honor him with my physical activities, too!ReplyCancel

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