I am blogging for the first time, on my phone. I’m in Kaden’s hospital room watching him sleep. I wanted to be watching General Hospital, but the tv signal is lost. I could read but no words seem to make sense right now. I should sleep, as the broken up 2 hours of sleep I got last night is making me feel a bit nauseous.
Actually, that is probably in large part due to my nerves, too. And awful hospital food. Mostly nerves, though. For the unknown. I KNOW I am not supposed to be anxious (God feels us that) but watching my baby fighting against a very tough to treat pneumonia is gut wrentching, to say the least. Not knowing how long until SOMETHING will turn around to the positive for him. WAITING for the IV antibiotics TO START WORKING. I am holding on to the fact that none of our suffering is too much for God to handle. I know no problem is too challenging for Him… so really, this anxiety needs to be replaced by prayer.
Kaden came down with a fever 2 weeks ago today and after it didn’t go away by Tuesday his pediatrician wanted him admitted to the hospital. Turns out, there are lots of different types of pneumonia and we’ve now found out that Kaden has one of the ones that results in puss-pockets in the lung. Those puss-pockets are nearly impossible to penetrate with oral antibiotics therefore requiring IV ones.
As the doctors discussed all of this with me this morning I stared at them through hazy, tearfilled eyes. They explained that this treatment will take longer and he’ll be recovering for possibly months after he leaves the hospital. They said they’ll need to put in a pick-line to replace the IV, and that will also get the 2 antibiotics he’s on, further into his body. That said they may eventually (but probably not) need to drain the pockets of their infected liquid.
They paused in their talking… probably because I’d stopped looking at them and was crying into Kaden’s hair. I looked at the gal doimg most of the talking and said, “I am fine with it having to take a while… But you CAN save him right? He’s going to be fine, right?”
They assured me YES and God blessed me with that one word.
It is just going to take time.
And where do I go after this? We rarely get such profound opportunities to reevaluate our priorities and redirect our lives. Sometimes I’d wish for everything to just stop so I could restructure. Clearly everything in my life has come to a skidding halt and I have nothing but time to think about what means the most to me. I know I have to make some changes and while I am not making any decisions right now I am sure God will lead me because He most definitely knows what my priorities need to be. Unfortunately it has taken Kaden’s illness to make me finally stop and listen.